you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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