At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize