Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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