are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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