Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm bleeding and have questions
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize