the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize