I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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