I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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