Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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