Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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