she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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