Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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