I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
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