i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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