apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize