the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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