I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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