i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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