when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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