Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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