You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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