If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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