Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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