11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize