either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize