i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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