i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize