So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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