Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize