My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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