Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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