Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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