so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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