you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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