just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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