I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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