My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize