How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ride that face into the sunset
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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