I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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