Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize