ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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