sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize