Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I could fuck to npr.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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