i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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