I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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