my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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