I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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