I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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