Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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