i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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